Key takeaways
- Loneliness is the gap between the connection you have and the connection you want, not a personal failing.
- Treat it as a signal that you need connection rather than proof that you're unlikable.
- Reconnecting with existing friends and setting up regular contact often brings the quickest relief.
- Group hobbies, volunteering and being the one who makes plans help new friendships form.
- If loneliness lingers or feels overwhelming, a licensed therapist can help.
In this article
Loneliness can show up anywhere: in a new city, after a breakup, in a busy office, even in a relationship. It's that ache of feeling unseen or disconnected, and it can be surprisingly heavy. If you're feeling it right now, you're far from alone, and it doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. Humans are wired for connection, so when it's missing, we feel it.
The encouraging part is that loneliness responds to action, even small action. This guide on how to deal with loneliness covers 12 practical steps, from reframing the feeling to rebuilding your social life, so you can start feeling more connected one step at a time.
What loneliness really is
Loneliness isn't the same as being alone. Plenty of people enjoy solitude and feel perfectly content. Loneliness is the gap between the connection you have and the connection you want. You can feel it surrounded by people if those relationships feel shallow, and you can feel fine alone if you know people care about you.
It helps to notice which kind you're feeling:
- Social loneliness: missing a wider circle of friends, community or belonging.
- Emotional loneliness: missing one or two close people you can truly confide in.
- Situational loneliness: triggered by a change like moving, a breakup, a new job or a loss.
Knowing which gap you're trying to fill makes it easier to choose the right steps.
Shift how you relate to the feeling
1. Accept it as a feeling, not a verdict
Loneliness often comes with a harsh story: "Nobody likes me," or "I'll always be alone." Try treating it like hunger instead, a signal that you need something, not proof that you're unlovable. "I'm feeling lonely, which means I need more connection" is a much easier starting point than "I'm a loser."
2. Practice kinder self-talk
Loneliness and self-criticism feed each other. If you assume people don't want you around, you're less likely to reach out, which deepens the loneliness. Notice those assumptions and question them. Most people are more open to connection than we expect; they're simply busy or waiting for someone else to make the first move.
3. Try mindfulness, meditation or gentle yoga
Calming practices won't replace human connection, but they can make lonely moments less overwhelming. Mindfulness helps you notice feelings without being swept away by them. Many free apps and community classes offer guided sessions, and a class has the bonus of putting you in a room with other people.
Strengthen the relationships you already have
4. Reach out to someone you've lost touch with
Old friends, former coworkers and cousins you used to be close to are often easier to reconnect with than you think. A simple message works: "Saw something that reminded me of you. How have you been?" Most people are glad to hear from someone who thought of them.
5. Share how you're feeling with someone you trust
You don't have to announce "I'm lonely" to everyone, but telling one trusted friend or family member can be a huge relief. Opening up often invites them to share too, which deepens the relationship. Vulnerability is how acquaintances turn into close friends.
6. Turn small talk into regular contact
Consistency builds closeness. Set up something recurring: a weekly phone call with a sibling, a monthly dinner with a friend, a Sunday walk with a neighbor. Regular contact means you don't have to work up the courage to reach out every single time.
Build new connections
7. Find a hobby that comes with people
Hobbies that involve groups give you built-in reasons to show up and talk: running clubs, choirs, community gardens, pottery classes, board game nights, rec sports leagues, book clubs. Seeing the same faces regularly is one of the most natural ways friendships form.
8. Volunteer
Helping others shifts your focus outward and connects you with people who share your values. Animal shelters, food banks, libraries and local events often need help, and the shared purpose makes conversation easier.
9. Plan outings with friends or family
Instead of waiting for invitations, be the one who suggests plans. A day trip, a picnic, a concert or a simple dinner gives people something to say yes to. Many people are lonely too and will appreciate being asked. For more ideas, see our guide on how to make friends as an adult and our tips on how to meet new people.
Support yourself day to day
10. Consider the companionship of a pet
If your lifestyle and budget allow, a pet can bring daily routine, affection and a reason to get outside. Dog owners in particular often find themselves chatting with neighbors on walks. If you can't commit to a pet, fostering or volunteering at a shelter offers some of the same benefits.
11. Use social media with intention
Scrolling through other people's highlights can make loneliness worse. But social media can also help when you use it actively: messaging friends, joining groups around your interests or finding local events. Notice how you feel after using an app. If you feel worse, set limits. If it leads to real conversations, keep it.
12. Talk to a professional if it lingers
If loneliness has lasted a long time, feels overwhelming or comes with persistent low mood, talking with a licensed therapist or counselor can help. They can help you untangle what's keeping you stuck and build skills for connection. Many offer sliding-scale fees or virtual sessions.
A one-week plan to start feeling more connected
When you're lonely, even small steps can feel daunting. Breaking them into a simple week can help:
- Day 1: Send a friendly message to one person you've lost touch with.
- Day 2: Look up one local class, club or volunteer group that interests you.
- Day 3: Have a short, real conversation with someone you see often, like a neighbor or coworker.
- Day 4: Call, rather than text, a friend or family member.
- Day 5: Spend an hour somewhere with other people around, such as a library, café or park.
- Day 6: Attend the class or group you found, or sign up for it.
- Day 7: Reflect on what felt good, and plan one or two connections for next week.
Not every step will feel amazing, and that's okay. The goal is momentum. Each small action makes the next one a little easier, and over a few weeks those actions start turning into real relationships.
Loneliness after a breakup or inside a relationship
Breakups often bring a specific kind of loneliness, because you've lost your go-to person and maybe part of your social circle too. Lean on friends, rebuild routines and give yourself time. Our guide on how to move on after a breakup walks through it step by step.
Feeling lonely within a relationship is common too, and it's usually a sign that emotional connection has slipped. Try naming it gently with your partner: "I've been missing feeling close to you. Can we plan some time just for us?" If that loneliness comes from a partner who isolates you or controls who you see, that's a different issue and worth taking seriously. Learn more in our article on mentally abusive relationships.
Moving forward, one connection at a time
Dealing with loneliness is less about one big fix and more about small, steady steps: a text, a class, a phone call, a yes to an invitation. Some attempts will fall flat, and that's normal. Keep going. Over time, those small moments add up to a life with more warmth and belonging in it. For more on building a fuller life, explore our guide on how to be happy with yourself.
Frequently asked questions
How do I stop feeling lonely?
Start with small, concrete actions: message an old friend, join a group activity, volunteer or suggest a plan with someone you like. Treat loneliness as a signal rather than a judgment about yourself. Consistent, regular contact with a few people tends to ease loneliness more than occasional big social events.
Is it normal to feel lonely even when you're around people?
Yes. Loneliness is about the quality of connection, not just the number of people around you. You can feel lonely in a crowd, at work or even in a relationship if you don't feel truly seen. Deepening a few relationships through honest conversation often helps more than adding more acquaintances.
Can loneliness affect your health?
Long-term loneliness is widely recognized as affecting both mental and physical well-being, including mood, sleep and stress levels. If loneliness has lasted a long time or comes with persistent sadness, it is worth talking to a doctor or licensed therapist who can help you find support.
How do you deal with loneliness after a breakup?
Lean on friends and family, rebuild daily routines, and fill your time with activities that involve other people. Give yourself permission to grieve, avoid isolating at home for long stretches, and limit checking your ex's social media. Over time, new connections and a fuller schedule make the loneliness easier to carry.
