How to Start a Conversation With a Guy Over Text (Plus 30 Openers to Try)

What makes a good first text

The best openers share three qualities:

• They're easy to answer. A question or a light comment gives him something to respond to. "Hey" on its own puts all the work on him.
• They're specific. Referencing something you talked about, a shared interest or something from his profile shows you were paying attention.
• They sound like you. If you're naturally goofy, be goofy. If you're more low-key, keep it simple. Your texts should match how you'd talk in person.

30 ways to start a conversation with a guy over text

If you just met him

1. Hey, it's [your name] from [where you met]. Still thinking about that terrible band we saw.
2. Did you ever make it home before the rain hit?
3. Okay, I looked up that documentary you mentioned. Is it really as wild as you said?
4. I'm at the coffee shop you recommended. Verdict pending.
5. So, did your friend ever win that argument about the best pizza in town?
6. It was really fun talking to you last night. How's your Saturday going?
7. Quick question: is your dog as photogenic in person as in that picture you showed me?
8. I can't stop thinking about your terrible karaoke song choice. In a good way.

If you're texting your crush

1. You'd have loved what happened in class today. Want the story?
2. I need an unbiased opinion. Which is better, tacos or burritos? Choose wisely.
3. I just saw a guy walking a cat on a leash and immediately thought you'd appreciate this.
4. What are you listening to lately? I need new music.
5. Random, but what's the best show you've watched recently?
6. Good luck on your game tonight! Tell me how it goes.
7. I'm trying a new recipe and it's going badly. Talk me through it?
8. Okay, settle a debate for me: is cereal a soup?

If you matched on a dating app

1. Your hiking photo is gorgeous. Where was that?
2. I see you're a fellow coffee snob. Pour-over or espresso?
3. Two truths and a lie. Go. I'll guess.
4. Important first question: what's your go-to karaoke song?
5. Your bio says you make a great lasagna. Bold claim. Defend it.
6. What's the most spontaneous thing you've done lately?
7. On a scale from "cereal for dinner" to "home chef," where do your cooking skills fall?

If it's been a while since you talked

1. I just drove past the place we went last month and thought of you. How have you been?
2. I finally watched the movie you recommended. You were right. How's life?
3. Hey stranger! What's new with you?
4. Saw this meme and it's literally you. [Send meme.] How's everything going?
5. I've been meaning to ask: did you end up taking that trip?
6. Hope work has calmed down for you. I'm finally on the other side of a crazy week.
7. Okay, I owe you a coffee for that thing you helped me with. When are you free?

Be confident (even if you're nervous)

It's perfectly okay to text a guy first. Many guys love it, because it takes the guesswork out of whether you're interested. Confidence over text doesn't mean being bold or flirty if that isn't you; it means sending the message without overthinking it and trusting that a friendly hello is a perfectly reasonable thing to do. If he doesn't respond the way you hoped, that's information, not a reflection of your worth.

One easy confidence booster: decide in advance that you'll send one friendly opener and then put your phone away for a while. You've done your part. Whatever happens next, you showed up, and that's a habit worth building whether this particular guy turns into something or not. Confidence grows every time you take a small risk and realize you're fine either way.

Play it cool, but not cold

There's a difference between playing it cool and playing games. Playing it cool means you don't flood his phone with ten messages in a row or get upset over a slow reply. Playing games means pretending you're not interested, waiting a calculated number of hours or ignoring him to seem mysterious. Skip the games. Reply when it's natural for you, show interest when you feel it, and let the conversation find its own rhythm.

Less is more

Long paragraphs early on can feel heavy. Keep messages short and conversational, especially at the beginning. One question at a time is plenty; three questions in a single text can feel like a survey. Save the deep, longer conversations for when you're already chatting comfortably or, better yet, for when you see each other in person.

Let him meet you halfway

Starting the conversation is great. Carrying it alone isn't. Pay attention to whether he asks questions back, offers details and sometimes texts first. A healthy text conversation feels like a game of catch: you toss, he tosses back. If you're always the one starting and he's giving one-word replies, it's okay to step back and see whether he reaches out. Our guide to whether your crush likes you covers more signs of mutual interest.

Keep the conversation flowing

Once you've broken the ice, a few habits keep things interesting:

• Ask open-ended questions. "What got you into rock climbing?" invites more than "Do you like rock climbing?"
• Share something back. Respond to his answers with a bit about yourself so it doesn't feel one-sided.
• Use callbacks. Inside jokes and references to earlier conversations make texting feel personal.
• Send something that made you think of him. A song, a photo or a funny video says "I was thinking about you" without being heavy.

For ideas, browse our questions to ask a guy to get to know him and things to talk about with your crush.

Know when to end it

Ending a conversation while it's still fun is one of the most underrated texting skills. It leaves you both looking forward to the next chat. When the energy starts to dip, sign off warmly: "I've got to get to bed, but this was fun. Talk tomorrow?" or "Heading out for dinner, but I want to hear how your interview goes!" And if you'd like to see him, suggest a plan. Texting is a great bridge, but in-person time is where real connection grows.

Don't overanalyze it

It's tempting to screenshot every message to your group chat and decode his punctuation. Try not to. People text differently: some use emojis constantly, some reply slowly because they're busy, some are just not great at texting. Look at the overall pattern rather than any single reply. If he's consistently engaged and makes plans, that matters far more than whether he used an exclamation point.

Above all, be yourself

The goal of texting isn't to perform the perfect version of yourself; it's to give him a glimpse of the real you. If he likes that, wonderful. If he doesn't, better to know now. Texts written from a relaxed, genuine place almost always come across better than ones crafted to impress. Once things are flowing, our texts to make him miss you can add a little sweetness.